I love lots of things. I love my family. I love bacon. I love words that rhyme.
I obviously don’t have the same affection for all of these things, but in our English language, we only have one word, - ‘love’. In Greek, there are multiple words for love. One is ‘Agape’ which is a chosen, self sacrificing kind of love, - like what Christ shows for us. Another is ‘phileo’ which is a friendship love. Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, gets its name from this word. Sometimes you can have one or the other, sometimes you can have both.
For example, when I was born my mother (agape) loved me. A mother’s love for a child is intense and self-sacrificial, - but we weren’t friends. Now I am grown and we have a good relationship. Sure she still agape-loves me but now she has a phileo-love for me too. Bonus.
Well learning these things have revealed a new understanding for John 21. It use to confuse me in a lot of ways: Why was Peter fishing naked, and then why did he get dressed only to jump in the water and swim to shore? (That’s a technical fishing thing that I’ll save for a different day.) Why does Jesus keep asking the same question and saying the same thing? But now I think I see a little better what is going on.
You read it first:

15After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you." "Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him.
16Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?" "Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you." "Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said.
17Once more he asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love you." Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep. 18The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked and go wherever you wanted to. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will direct you and take you where you don't want to go." 19Jesus said this to let him know what kind of death he would die to glorify God. Then Jesus told him, "Follow me."
20Peter turned around and saw the disciple Jesus loved following them—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, "Lord, who among us will betray you?" 21Peter asked Jesus, "What about him, Lord?"
22Jesus replied, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You follow me." …
Do you understand my confusion?
So these are some things that have been pointed out in sermons, and some things I see here myself:
First, off Jesus and Peter are using 2 different words for love here. Also, this is the third time Jesus has appeared to his disciples since his resurrection, but the first time Peter has been there. Now remember, when Peter first recognized him as the Messiah, Jesus changed his name from Simon, to Peter. ‘Peter’ means, ‘the rock’ and he was to be the cornerstone of the church, but here, after he has denied Christ 3 times he’s getting called Simon again.
So it goes like this:
“Simon, do you Agape me more than these other guys?”
“Yes, Lord, you know we’re friends…”
“Then feed my lambs.”
Jesus, not ready to accept a quick off the cuff answer repeats the same question, this time just focusing on Peter.
“Simon, do you agape me?” He’s asking, ‘do you love me to the point of death? Would you give everything for me?'
Again, Peter answers, “Sure, Jesus, you know, we’re good buddies.
“Then take care of my sheep.”
Finally the last time, Jesus changes it up. He says, “Peter, are you my friend?”
And Peter gets upset when he’s asked this third time. He’s denied Christ 3 times and now has been asked to show his devotion 3 times, the last time what’s expected of him has been down-graded.
“Lord you know everything. You know I have can offer you only friendship love.”
“Then feed my sheep. The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked and go where ever you wanted to. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and others will direct you and take you where you don’t want to go.”
Jesus has big things for Peter, the rock, to do for the kingdom. Again and again, Peter honestly tells him, ‘I only have enough love to love you like a brother.’ And again and again, Jesus replies, ‘if this is the kind of love you have for me, then this is what you can accomplish for my kingdom: You can feed some baby followers. You can take care of some older followers. You might even be able to feed some mature followers. But to do the kind of things I’m asking you to do, to fulfill the role I’ve given to you, to be “Peter,” to go and serve unto your own crucifixion, you need an all encompassing, passionate, sacrificial unto death kind of love.
Then Jesus repeats the first words he ever spoke to Peter, way back when he was still ‘Simon’
“Follow me”
Under the gun, Peter does what most of us would do… he looks around and finds another disciple to take the focus off of him. “Me?!...Hey, Jesus what about that guy?”
And Jesus refuses to change the subject. “What’s he to you? I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about you…Follow me.”
And the scene ends there. But we know that Peter will follow him, and eventually will develop that Agape love that will allow him to carry out his purpose, - even to death. What facilitated that, I dunno. You’d think witnessing the resurrection would have cemented it for him, but it obviously didn’t. Perhaps it was the empowerment of the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. Oh but that’s for another day…
But now after seeing and understanding this in scripture I have to ask, do I agape Jesus?