Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ex 21:8 If she is displeasing in the eyes of her master who designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed.......

Yes, I know this is about a female slave, but it spoke to me this morning. This one sentence jumped out.

I have been displeasing in the eyes of my master who designated me for Himself.... thank you Jesus for redeeming me.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

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THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT. THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE THE VIEWS OF THE NETWORK OR THEIR STAFF.

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Oh the blessings

I've been loving my new job. No 8am is a not a perfect time, and 5 days a week has been difficult to get use too again, but I'm managing. I come home less that exhausted and can sleep in a tiny bit later than when I was teaching.
But already there are things that make me smile each day.
For example, one student Dylan is from Vietnam. He pronounces this l's as r's. So while singing his phonics song to me he sang, "J, juh...jerrybeans!" It was so cute. Now I have no choice but to call jellybeans "jerrybeans", just like I call noodles, "noogles." This little kindergardener also guesses wildly at his reading instead of looking at picture clues. As we read a book "I like" we came to a page with a boy sleeping. I prompted him, "I Like to ssssssss."
"I like to sandwich!!!!!
"No Dylan,-"
"I like to snake!!!"
ha ha, he never did get it. I finally had to tell him.
But even better is the blessing of knowing I'm helping these children. I have an 8th grader who most teachers have dismisses as un-motivated and is failing almost every class. (amazing after 4 weeks huh?)
I was dreading working with him thinking I was going to get resistance and attitude from a kid who didn't want me around him.
But on the second day he and I worked together to understand the preamble to the constitution. It only took about 15 minutes work outside of the class and he had a decent grasp of its meaning. As I started to leave that day, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Thank you."
Oh, that was better than any paycheck. And now each day I see him, his face immediately lights up. We always have big hurdles to tackle, but we are making progress in the right direction.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Dressed for battle

David was sent into battle. He tried to wear Saul’s armor, but didn’t feel comfortable in it.
It wasn’t made for him. He shrugged it off and succeeded in defeating Goliath with just a sling and a stone, the weapons he was use it.
Recently I’ve been trying to be patient in a very frustrating situation. It’s been dragging on for over five months. I’ve been patient, I’ve been understanding, and I’ve been calm.
And nothing was getting done.
That’s it. I’ve had enough. Nothing ever gets done when you are kind. I’m getting nasty.I made the call I needed.
Now I wasn’t rude or offensive in anyway. I didn’t cuss him out, or make empty threats. But I let know I meant business and I got immediate results.
“Do you see why I hate being a woman? “ I complained to Steve. “No one takes you seriously unless you act like a bitch. It’s the only way to get anything accomplished.”
But regardless of results, the whole situation left me feeling icky.
I still had to settle up with this guy, and I was absolutely dreading going through the whole hard-edge routine again.
It went on for a few days. I really wasn’t sure how I was gonna handle the whole situation.
I sat in my thinking chair hugging my bible. “Lord, I’m sure you have an answer for me in here somewhere. But I have no idea where to look.”
I opened my bible and landed on Colossians 3 and found these verses UNDERLINED:

8 But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language…12 Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourself…

(and at this point as my eyes were going down to the next line to read I thought to myself, ‘I know how to dress for battle. It’s in Ephesians 6, breast plate of righteousness, shoes of piece, blah blah blah)

Then my eyes settled on the next line and saw: …with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you… And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love.. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony, And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your heart.”

Wow. I felt the Lord speaking to my heart:
You’ve felt so uncomfortable because, like David, you were trying to wear armor that was not created for you.
Ugh.
So from here on out, the hard edge bitch is not an option. It’s fine, I’ve never enjoyed it. It’s just not me. I guess this is the point I follow his lead, and Allow Him to fight my battles.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

More of my ponderings...

Sometimes people say, "I'm not sure what God's will is in this situation..." and when things turn out okay they assume they must have unknowingly stumbled upon it.
Other times I've heard the arguement against biblical ideas, "How can that be wrong? I know so-and-so and they've done that and they have a blessed life."
But in Genesis 17: 19 we see that things that we create ourselves can still be blessed by God.

"...as for Ishmael, I will bless him also, just as you have asked. I will cause him to multiply and become a great nation. Twelve princes will be among his descendants. But my covenant is with Isaac, who will be born to you and Sarah about this time next year."

Also, hundreds of years later, God gave his people a king when they asked for him, although his intention was always for them to be governed my him. And in spite of that He still longed to bless them.

Getting out of the will of God doesn't always result in the proverbial slap on the wrist. Sometimes we are still blessed inspite of it.

So now I have to ask the tough question, and maybe you should ask this of yourself too: How important is it to me to remain in his will?
Or does it not matter so long as I am blessed?

The answer exposes...

Am I a woman after God's own heart?... or a woman after his blessing?

Goodbye Ishmael

We always think Abraham didn't infact have to sacrifice his son, because God stopped him at the last minute.
The willingness was all that actually mattered.
By sparing Isaac, the Lord kept Abraham from losing everything.
But we forget Abraham did have another son that he did have to sacrifice...the son of his own planning.
Even though he was not the "son of promise" I doubt that Abraham loved him any less.
I doubt casting him out was a simple thing.
There are time God requires us to let go of things we love so much. Especially if it is things we've conjured up ourselves.
It's not an easy thing to do.
Necessary.
But not easy.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Job!

Sometimes I can't see the whole picture. I don't understand the plan. But I love as it all unfolds.
I just got a job! I a job, that when I first learned about it, I thought, "Nah, that's not for me. I'm not interseted."
But as time went on, I realized, "This is my job. This is the one I'm suppose to have."
And sure enough, I applied and got it.
I'll be working throughout Gennessee County with English as a Second Languge Students. I'll go from school to school working with students 1-1, small groups or even in the classroom.
I feel so blessed. I can't be in Swaziland anymore, but God is bringing multiple nations to me!
I can not tell you how excited I am about this, and how much I love these children already. I've never met them but I'm praying for them and their families already.
Who knows what doors might open!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I've been feeling so unsettled this week. There is just so much brewing in my brain, it's hard to get much relief.
I've been back for 8 months now.
Why?
What am I suppose to be doing back here in Flint? I'm just so unsatisfied with everything.
The rest and novelty of being unemployed have been gone for a while. I'm bored, and find myself filling my days with meaningless activities that now bring no amusement.
I want to go back to work. But doing what?
Teaching? That would be the easy answer. But I can't really say I'm suppose to be teaching. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to teach,- trust me. But I feel like that's the easy way out.
I remember years ago hearing a sermon about after Jesus' death the disciples went back to what they knew.
They'd had this amazing experience with Jesus, and then it all seemed to end and in their confusion and doubt they went back to whatever it was before. We see that when Jesus found Peter again he was fishing. He questioned his love and commitment 3 times and prophesied about who Peter would become.
I feel so much like Peter right now. Coming off the mission field to .....what?
Like Peter, I find myself scratching my head and thinking, "It wasn't suppose to be this way."
I want so desperately to grab onto and cling to anything "normal" or "safe" or "familiar" or "regular"
God has grabbed hold of me this week, through different conversations with people, and given me a good shake.
I'm sensing once again that I'm missing something I shouldn't. If I believe what I say I believe, shouldn't my life look different?
But I think I'm afraid of that difference. I'm afraid of the boldness. I'm afraid of that life which he will call me to. I'm afraid to encounter Jesus on that beach and have him question my love, my commitment, and prophesy who I will become.