It's not about me, Part 1

There is a woman here, who just moved to Swaziland. She’s living on a homestead, washing her clothes by hand, and sometimes days go by where she doesn’t hear English. Wow! And while she says she’s okay with the “roughing it” I know she’s struggling with being here and all of the changes. The Lord puts her on my heart often to pray for her and last week he told me to bless her with things for her house.
“Great idea Lord” I quickly went to my give away box and found some things I’d been meaning to get rid of. “ Hmmm, I have two these, maybe she’d like one…..this was given to me, but I don’t really need it…oh I don’t really like these, maybe she’s like to have them…”
Well then I thought I heard from Him again, but He must have mumbled. It sounded like he said to give her my two new lamps that I bought in Durban last weekend.
Oh but no, that couldn’t be Him. After all, I paid a lot of money for those lamps, and He wouldn’t just want me to waste my money like that. They were so new I didn’t even have light bulbs for them yet.
And I really needed those lamps for my nightstands. My bedroom is so dark after the sun goes down, -doesn’t the Lord want me to read my Bible at night to be real Holy and stuff? So no, that couldn’t have been Him.
But I kept having that feeling all week. I said to Susan, “I think I’m supposed to give C- something,” careful not to say what, in case she decided to hold me accountable.
“Oh, well she won’t be at bible study this week.”
Aha! I knew it! Those lamps are for me!
Just to prove that they were mine, I went to buy light bulbs (You’ve already read how well that went…maybe I should have gotten a clue.) and set my heart of giving this woman a duvet and an extra set of measuring spoons.
So with my light bulbs in hand (being extra careful not to break because they are so fragile) I went to my loft determined to use my lamps. Mine mine mine. These bulbs you push down and then twist the prongs into the groves of the lamp.
Push and twist.
Didn’t work.
Push harder. Nope.
Push harder.
“It’s going to break in your hand Christy. Stop now. ”
“No it’s fine, I can get it.” I put my spiritual fingers in my ears and sang “la, la, la, I can’t hear you.”
Pushandtwistpushandtwistpushandtwist.
“I’m trying to protect you Christy. If you push any harder, it will break and cut your hand. Stop now. These are not your lamps.”
“No! I want to use my lamps… I’ll… I’ll…” (Then I had the light bulb moment, -no pun intended.) “… I’ll take off my sweat jacket and wrap the sleeve around the bulb, so if it breaks, it won’t cut me! Yes, I’ll do that and make it work. I want to use my lamps.”
“Listen to yourself, Christy…”
I realized I’d gone stark raving mad. I was so determined to keep and use these stupid lamps I was thinking up ways to get around what the Lord was trying to warn me would inevitably happen in my disobedience.
I did my huffy voice at Him, “Fine! I’ll give her the lamps!”
I went down stairs to SMS C- to let her know I had something for her. I was pretty sure that if I did that “act of obedience” He’d at least let me use the lamps until I saw her in two weeks.
Instead she invited me to meet for lunch.
“Lord,” still in huffy voice, “I don’t get you… now I’m just going to have to go and buy new lamps, when I’ve already bought two perfectly good lamps. That’s just dumb.”
Well, that got me thinking… What did the Lord plan to do with all of this?
Hmmmm….. Maybe I’ll give her these lamps, and she’ll bust out in joyful tears and gush out she’s been praying for two adorable lamps for weeks and just fall all over herself…or, better yet, maybe this is an Abraham and Isaac thing where, I just have to be willing to give them up, and then she will say “No thank you I already have two super-cute lamps” and I’d get to keep them! Yes!
So this morning as I got prepared to meet her, I was kinda excited about the whole thing. We met, had a nice visit, ate lunch, and then went to my truck.
I gave her the lamps (good-bye my babies), and she responded with a normal amount of gratitude. “Oh wow! Thanks, these are nice.”
Bummer. No lamp keeping, no gushing, just two less lamps.
So what’s the lesson I’ve learned from this?
The same one I’ve been learning the past 4 years.
It’s not about me.
God’s main purpose in life is not to make me fat and happy.
It’s not about me.
I’m called to be obeidient, and if that means denying self, then so be it.
It’s not about me.
Life is not about living for me, it’s about living for Him.
It’s not about me.
...Please stay tuned for Part 2, which happened minutes after writing this...