my life story

I’ll admit, I suffer from delusions of grandeur.
Someday I will be someone important and recognized and they will make a movie of my life. And while I think it should be an awesome drama inspiring movie goers to follow their dreams and grab life by the horns, it will unintentionally play out as a comedy. I’d like it to star Katie Holmes, Julie Styles, or Reese Witherspoon, but it’ll more realistically star Rachel Ray.
First a scene with her father…any scene with her father is comedy worthy. Maybe the one when Rachel realizes that he has built an outhouse in the backyard,- not a real outhouse with practical purposes, but just an outhouse for decoration. He explains this as he hangs his confederate flag on it.
Or the one where she comes home from college to find that he has disposed of all the furniture in the living room, replacing it with multiple lazy-boy recliners, explaining that it will eliminate house guests who want to sleep over and over stay their welcome.
And a scene from the states where she is painting a room terra-cotta all the while her dog insists on sleeping in the most inconvenient spaces. The longer she paints, the more colorful the spots of the Dalmatian become.
There will be a scene in Swaziland where Rachel is desperately homesick, and shuffles in her too-big slippers and 40 lb robe named “old faithful” to the bathroom to get a tissue, wailing all the way in a very Lucille Ball fashion.
Another scene from the outside of the women’s toilet where viewers will only hear a sigh and “oh man,” as Rachel, realizes that in her coffee-reduced stupor she has put her panties on inside out…again.
Also, a scene where Rachel is feeling anti-social on the 4th of July and wants to spend a quiet evening at home. As she lights the braii for her own personal bbq, she inadvertently catches the bag of charcoal on fire resulting in a hilarious routine or blowing, shaking and stomping.
Perhaps an office scene where an African co-worker tries to pick her nose for her, thinking the dry skin was not actually from a healing pimple, but a “herpe.”
But of course, the movie will have a happy ending as all do…I’m just not sure what that will be yet.
Yes folks, this is my life. Very “Bridget Jones” meets “While you were sleeping.
Hope you are inspired.