Young Girl/ Old Lady

Do you remember this picture? You can look one time and it's a young girl. The next time it's an old lady.
That's how I've been feeling lately.
I think I'm getting old.
Let me explain.
I found something in my hair last night. I don't really know what it is. It's so foreign to me I can't identify it. I found one two Decembers ago. It was short and kinky and shimmery-silvery. Well you know how much I like things that shimmer. I got so excited! I thought I was growing Christmas Tinsel. I plucked it out and hung it on my tree. But now it's February and the tinsel sprouted again. Hmmm...maybe it's not tinsel.
I think I'm getting old.
But then again, two people asked me last week if I was a UNC student when they heard I lived in Chapel Hill. THAT doesn't happen to old people.
But there was that time several years ago I went to a Nickleback concert in a bar with James. I kept thinking "The music is too loud. The air is too smokey. Does the singer really have to drop the F-bomb in every song? Is it really fair that my bottled water is $4 when James's beer is only $2?"
The irony is, in college, I use to seek out the loud music, and the smokey bars. My budget didn't allow the expensive drinks, and I was the one dropping the F-bomb.
I think I'm getting old.
But wait! When I flew to Brazil last summer, the flight attendant wouldn't serve me. She kept saying, "Are you SURE you're at least 21?" I just smiled and reassured I was WELL past 21.
So maybe I'm not.
After all, I can still dance! But I'm starting to wonder,- Does it still count that you "Drop it like it's hot"....even if it takes you a while to pick it back up again?
I think I'm getting old.
No, no wait. A parent just told me that her son said, "Miss Merrill always tells us she's 57. But she only looks about 19."
He's getting straight A's this semester.
That doesn't happen to old people. But that fact that I'm flattered instead of insulted makes me wonder...
I've seriously been considering getting a ruler tattooed vertically on my abdomen. That way I can determine if the "geese are flying south"
I think I'm getting old.
But I'm still a six-year-old at heart..
Well maybe in light of all of this ridiculous reflections, I can concede:
I think I'm getting old...-er.

Have you no shame?

One on my most amusing students, Gabe, made me laugh the other day.
"Hey, Miss Merrill...do you know what's so great about me?"

Oh to be six and have no shame! But that's how I want to be! I want to live shame-free. Not to exhault myself above anyone, but to accept myself perfectly,- just how I was made. There's nothing wrong with me, or how I am!

So here I go! I am releasing my inner six- year- old.

Hey guys, do you know what's so great about me?

I love words that rhyme.
I think kittens are cute.
Sparkle is my favorite color.
Sometimes in the shower I play naked belly-drums.
I often entertain myself in the mirror by making faces, and laughing.
I talk to Jesus daily. Not prayerly- but like we're hanging out. He "gets" me, and doesn't mind my cheesy jokes.
I love cheesy jokes. (What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Damn.) hee hee hee.
I crack myself up with my own cheesy jokes.
Some times I eat peanut butter fingers for a snack (open jar, dip, lick)
I get homesick for Africa, and I haven't even lived there yet.
I cry when others get baptised.
I thought I was immune to sag. Whoda thought age would do that to me?
If I squish all of my belly fat together around my belly button, it looks like a bagel (thanks for showing me that trick HD)

sigh. Releif! Comment on the things that make you so great! Go ahead. Let loose. No shame!

Lost

Last weekend I went to visit my good friend Mary in D.C. We spent a lot of time reminiscing about the old days when she and I were roommates, and we along with Heidi made an eclectic 3 musketeers. As we drove into the city I remembered a time we three went to DC to visit Mary's sister. Somehow we got all turned around and lost. She called Lizzy and was trying to navigate and drive and figure out how to get to her house.

"Well," Mary said, "I think if we keep driving …we'll get somewhere."
Huh huh huh. Profound Mary. Profound.

Now of course, she was trying to tell Lizzy that things look familiar, and she thought eventually we'd get to a place she recognized. But it didn't happen.

See, that's the thing about being lost. You're lost. If you knew where you were, or how to get someplace from there, you wouldn't be lost.
Yet we as Christians often expect the lost to find their way. I was listening to a CD this morning, the man said, "Jesus is calling the lost. He wants them to come to Him."

But they're lost. They don't know their way. That's why they're lost.
I disagree with that CD man.
Remember this winter when the news kept reporting that hikers were getting lost in the mountains of Oregon? What did they do? They sent out rescue missions. They went out to find the lost. Why? Because those lost hikers were important.
Life was valued.

I believe Jesus is sending us out as a seek- and- rescue mission to find the lost for him.
To expect them to find their way is like Mary's humorous statement:" If they keep going, they'll get somewhere."
Of course they will. But where?
Jesus?
Doubtful.

To tell my daughter

Look to the side and find the link to Rachel's blog. Go there and find the poem, To tell my daughter. I love it. I want to light my sparkler now!!!!!!!

Snow Day

I've always said, "The only thing better than a snow day as a kid,...is a snow say as an adult!"
This is the first snow day we've had in years! The funny thing is, here in North Carolina, they cancel school because the weatherman predicted snow was coming. I get a kick out of that every time.
This morning I sat ever so gratefully in my rocking chair, which I pulled close to my side window. Wrapped in a blanket, I looked out towards the woods and watched the fat flakes float ever so gracefully to the ground.
I drank coffee. I read my bible. I prayed. I enjoyed bits of the Today show. I walked up the street on to my mailbox, and on the way home I took a couple of turns sledding with the little girl who lives next door.
Now, I'm sipping hot cocoa, and comtemplating how I'll get those muddy grass stains out of the knees of my jogging pants. I don't remember sledding being that messy in my childhood. But it's all good.
Sigh. What a great day.

The Simple Things in Life

I'm not a fancy gal. I've always prided myself in enjoying the simple things in life. After all, if you are only happy with big events and big ticket items, then you won't be happy all to often, right? I only experience "big" things once in a blue moon. But finding joy in little things,- a sunset, cooking dinner, a hug from a child,- these are things I get to do everyday. I find happiness in all of these things, and count myself blessed.
But last fall, I went through a very difficult time. I was having difficulty finding happiness in anything, big or small. I felt very isolated, and disconnected from people I care about, but when the opportunity came to connect with someone, I really didn't feel like it. I would do the things I love, only to find that there was no satisfaction in them. I would cry on a daily basis.
I was confident it was a spiritual season that I needed to go through, but it didn't make is any easier. It reminded me of one of the Chronicles of Narnia, when Eustice, the unlikable cousin, is turned into a dragon. When he suddenly reappears as a boy, everyone questions how it happened. He discribes a visit from Aslan, who used his sharp claws to tear the dragon flesh from his body, revealing the boy inside. It said is was so painful, but when he was done, Aslan bathed him in the pool to sooth him.
Something was being torn from me as well, and it was painful.
I asked a trusted friend, "Is this depression?" While she agreed it had a lot of symptoms of depression, she assured me that if it was from God, then it wasn't, it was just a tough season would cause me to be blessed when I came out the other side.
I remember having this (unintentionally prideful) pity party for myself as I talked to God in my kitchen.
"You know God, I'm not one of those people who have to find my happiness in things; Big houses, designer clothes, new cars. They're all selfish and superficial. They don't appreciate the important things like family, friends and faith. They think happiness comes from "stuff" and don't realize that joy comes from a relationship with you. I get it. I appreciate the simple things in life. But now I can't even seem to find joy in any of them."
And he responded saying, "All of these things, are mundane. You've only enjoyed them because I put my blessing upon them. That's what makes them enjoyable to you."
I realized that He was right. (Duh) The simple things in life were still just that,- things. And when he removed HIs blessings from them for a season, He showed me that I couldn't find happiness in those things anymore then "selfish, superficial" people could find their happiness in cars, houses, and designer clothes. I had to take a long hard look in the mirror, and practice what I preach. I had to look to Him for my joy, and count the rest as gifts from Him.
He confirmed this for me in His Word today: ...Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from Him? Ecclesiastes 3:24
So I'm blogging this today as I'm watching the snow fall from the window of my very first house. I've waited 2 1/2 years to do this. I'm very excited! And I'm drinking simple Pilao. And I'm in my simple pajamas. And later I will simply read a book.
And I am thanking Him for blessing all of it, so I can enjoy them as much as I am!