The shoe

Coming back to the US has been easy. A little too easy.
What is wrong with me? Why doesn't such a huge change effect me?
I'm fine feeling like a princess with every luxury like canned soup and central heating.
"Do you miss Pumpkin?" Patrick asked.
Nope. My new truck is better.
Nor to I miss bugs and sweat.
The snow is pretty and all of my food has high-fructose corn syrup,-the way I like it.
But still is was unnerving the way I transitioned so easily back into America.
Every missionary will tell you going home is hard and emotional.
I even read a book to prepare me.
Yet I came home, with no hard, and no emotional.
What's wrong with me?" I asked Becca. "Am I emotionally stagnant?"
She reassured me it might be okay.
Maybe I've just had it easier upon reentry. People have read my blogs this whole time, so I don't feel as though no one wants to hear my stories. And I'm not living with family and searching desperately for a job. I have this adorable little house, and my own space. Maybe I've just been sheltered from the additional stress that comes from reentry.
But all along I've waited for the other shoe to drop....
Then this morning,- the shoe.
Today I felt like a worthless drudge whose life could not be more meaningless. I sobbed in my American thinking chair (which is so much better than my African thinking chair)because I am unemployed and unemployable.Then I sobbed that I don't have health insurance. Then I sobbed that everyone in the world is having a baby, or a second baby, or a third baby, yet I, at 31, am approaching death with my petrified ovum and unused womb, as a spinster. Then I lamented the fact that I was sobbing to myself because I know no one in Flint anymore and therefore had no one to lament to.
Eventually I pulled myself together, (because I had to go out into public) and before too long I found my self in Barnes & Isn't-living-in-America-Great Nobel with a tea and a copy of Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking
And while I read 2/3 of her manic depressive/comedic life story, I began to feel better about my own life.
Funny the things that cheer you up.And now I'm back to feeling fine.