Lamenting

I'm very conflicted. Some days I hate the fact that I'm leaving. Other days I can't wait to get home.

My days here are so limited.
I'll miss the way children undiscrimiately run to hug me/ play with me/ sing my praises.
I'll miss the daily feeling that I'm serving a greater purpose here, and that my life is making a difference.
I'll miss the way that I hear God so clearly on foreign soil.
I'll hate that "home" doesn't feel like home anymore.
I'll resent that no one will know what I mean when I say "don't give that to the blind one," or "shame," or "how" or "Eish."
I'll be annoyed that there is no one to share the joy plumarias,frangipani, roibos, or pavlova with.

It's not that I won't have great experiences back in the states. It's not that there's no cool stuff there. After all there is target, and sweet tea, and my mom.
But it just bothers me, that I've had such a wonderful experience here, and once I go home it will be permanantly over. My experience here will be left here because there is no one there that has shared it with me. It will be tied up into a nice little package labeled "africa" and will sit on a shelf. And once in a while I'll enjoy it by myself.

I feel as though I'm restarting my life completely, the third time in 7 years and there is no one and nothing of this life that will overlap with the next. They are completely 100% severed from one another.